MY Heartache

So, I spent all morning on the Internet. I wasn't IM-ing, or checking e-mail or Facebook-ing. I was scouring the world wide web for something new about eczema. That is laughable since I have dealt with eczema on my girls for about 5 1/2 years now. However, it's been a while since I've researched it. And, since new research is being done all the time about everything ELSE, I was holding out for something new. Did I find something? No.

I chuckled when I read "a simple routine of moisturizing will clear up eczema in a matter of days!" I rolled my eyes when I read, "This product will clear up your eczema in 14 days or less." I stared in wonder when I read that red clover, shark cartilage, Crisco, Primrose Oil, Vitamins A, B, and E plus thousands of others are supposed to be good for eczema. Where does one GET shark cartilage?

Last night, I cried as I stared at my TV monitor and watched my baby scratch for more than 2 hours in her sleep. I put 2 different kinds of lotion on her twice, gave her 2 doses of Atarax (a tranquilizer given to sedate people before surgery), and prayed and prayed and prayed. And, I admit asked, "Why?" Is there a point to my child suffering like this? What am I supposed to be learning? Is there any way that God could transfer all her eczema to ME...I could handle it better.

I do everything I can to not have to take my daughter out in public. Why? Because I have to put her in clothes. It's 104 degrees outside, and the only clothes that keep her from clawing herself to death is footy pajamas. She wears gloves 24/7. You can't wear footy pj's and gloves outside when it's 104 degrees.

I can name 10 families off the top of my head that have "normal" children. Why can't my child be normal?

Ok, let me pause hear and say this. I read several blogs about children who are suffering. They have severe health problems, and one family even lost their sweet baby girl because of birth abnormalities. Am I comparing myself to them? No. Will they be offended and think, "Are you kidding me? You're complaining because your daughter has skin problems?" Maybe. Do I apologize and say, "I know my situation isn't as bad as yours."? NO!

I don't apologize for the pain I feel. I don't apologize for wondering why my baby has to bleed and suffer. I don't apologize....but I pray. I pray and ask God to help me find something to relieve her suffering. I pray and ask God to help ME not to ask why, but to trust Him. I pray every day that He will give me mercy and heal my precious baby.